Today I had a telepsychiatry appointment at the hospital to review my meds. First of all he was very nice, but he looked like a muppet.
Anyway we talked a little bit about how I worry about the uncertainty of the future. He pointed out that the future in fact does not exist, so of course it's uncertain! And that it doesn't usually matter how much we plan for the future, life tends to get in the way regardless of how carefully you plan. This is something that I do believe and did before he got all Muppet arms on me. Serious Muppet arms and upper body action happening here.
As much as planning provides us with a sense of relief and preparedness, the more effective thing to do is to change your own inner narrative. We all have on . It's what we expect to get out of life, whether positive or negative. This shapes our future more than planning 'just incase' ever will. It's sort of exercise in personal goals, but without the time lines and pressure. We all know that people who know what they want have a tendency to get what they want because their life choices bend towards achieving them.
So I am creating my own positive inner narrative, regardless of how my EDS changes over the years, no what ifs. This is what I want for my life and I will create short term goals to get there. I'm going to share it here because I think when you share things with others it solidifies it in your own mind, and you can always go back reread and change this narrative.
First and foremost I will be happy! I will do the things that make me happy, be with the people who bring happiness and joy into my life, laugh and be silly.
This is achievable no matter what my physical state is. I will make the most of every day. I will stop thinking "I need to do this while I still can". Especially when it comes to traveling. I will always be awed by nature and the world. The experiences I get from traveling will still be fulfilling, the people and places still beautiful. I will not give up hope. The future doesn't exist so there's nothing to be afraid of! Fear only holds you back. I will always find a way.
Now onto my 'vision' of what I want my life to be.
I want to continue growing and evolving my wonderful relationship with my Mister. To laugh, love, support, be silly and strong through whatever life throws our way. I want us to have a home together.(preferably with a puppy and maybe a kitten,a garden to grow things in, and a kitchen with a window. kids are to be decided eventually) I want us to travel together, experience the world and all it has to offer. ( somewhere nice and warm this winter, Chile or Argentina soon, and Bora Bora in 3 years!) I want us to continue to enjoy each others company and find solace, comfort and warmth with mere presence. Continue to do crosswords together and make fun of each other as the wrinkles appear.
I want to continue to have a close relationship with my family. Travel with my mom, silk screen all night long, share recipes and hugs. Support and continue to be proud and amazed of my sisters. Joke around and be a part of my nieces and nephews lives, be the 2nd mom every child needs.
I want to always have a job that challenges me and that I love. I want to find more time for my hobbies. ( I have way too many of them! Beading, silk screening, painting, reading, sewing.....)
I want to read everything I can possibly get my hands on!
I could probably think of many more things, but these required no thought. I can achieve these regardless of what EDS brings me in the future.
As EDSers and human beings we often don't give ourselves enough credit. We especially need to remind ourselves of our bravery, courage and strength.
We are motivated people, and regardless of what life hits us with, if we remember these things and what we want out of life then we can adapt our situation and make it happen.
What is your inner narrative?